[REPOST] OOP fights against a former friend and his mom after his head was shaved in his sleep. (2025)

I am NOT the OOP. OOP is u/Dont-Call-Me-BALDY.

EDITOR'S NOTE: This is a repost of an old BORU that was posted by u/Direct-Catepillar77 almost 2 years ago.

trigger warnings: Assault, mentions of a loss of a relative, and mentions of a possible mental illness

Original post: January 28, 2022

For context, a relative of what used to be a close friend of mine whom we'll call Gary for this story contracted cancer. I (Mid-20s male) was sympathetic and even contributed $100 to a donation pool for their treatment. But Gary came to me one day and took his hat off to reveal a freshly shaven head. He told me that everyone in his family were doing it in support of his relative, and so were a lot of our mutual friends. Then he asked that I get on the bandwagon.

I told him I didn't want to shave my head because I like my hair. My hair is black, regularly combed and well styled. He said I could just get a wig or something and had actually brought his shaver kit. He was unboxing it when I told him this was not happening. I don't even really know his relative that he's doing this for. So I'm not doing it, end of discussion. He called me an &$$hole and left angry. We didn't speak for a week. Then last Saturday I got invited to a party at another close friend's house. There I found out that Gary had tried the same thing on several other friends, and only a couple of them actually did shave their heads.

Gary wasn't at the party, so I had a blast hanging out, playing video games and listening to rock music. But I had way too much to drink and couldn't drive home. So they said I could just sleep upstairs. I passed out on a bed and it was a blissful sleep till I was shaken awake by another friend who told me Gary had showed up late and they caught him shaving my head while I was passed out. I saw what I looked like in a mirror and wanted to scream like I was in a horror movie. Gary even shaved off one of my eyebrows.

Gary was still there and acting proud of himself saying "Now you're gonna have to shave off the rest, just like me! LOL!" I was furious and called the cops. When they got their Gary fully admitted to what he had done to me and even said he was justified. The police didn't seem to think so as this is classified as a form of assault. They asked me if I wanted to press charges and the first words out of my mouth were "HELL YES!" Gary cussed me out while they took him away in cuffs. I tried getting my hair restyled into something presentable. But there was no saving it and now I'm bald too.

Now a bunch of Gary's family are telling me to drop the charges because Gary was off his meds and didn't mean to do it. I was like "WTF?!" because I never knew he was on meds. But I still refused to drop the charges. It'll take months to grow my hair back the way it was. But all of the calls and messages from Gary's relatives are starting to get to me. Just about everyone else in our friend group has cut Gary out though and say that I'm doing the right thing by not dropping the charges. So now I'm divided.

AITA for pressing charges on a former friend for shaving my head in my sleep?

EDIT: I want to make something clear here. So many people have said things like "Dude it's just hair!". But would they all be saying that if I wasn't a man? What if I was some girl that had hair that took years to grow? Would they be saying the same thing? Sure hair grows back. But it takes time. If it was something that grew back fast, people would be less inclined to care. But it's not fast. It takes months. And for some who had long hair, years. That's a lot of time wasted growing.

And I don't plan on pushing for Gary to go to prison. But I don't plan to drop the charges either. His family already bailed him out. And while I didn't know he was on meds, I knew he had quite the temper, and even an entitled attitude at times. One example being a lunch where he wanted us all to combine the check and split it evenly. He got the most expensive thing on the menu. I got a cheeseburger. When we all said "No" Gary went off on us for not being good friends. He's always been an ass when he doesn't get his way. And I've only known him for like three years. This incident was the last straw for not just me, but a lot of other mutual friends.

As for the charges. I don't want to send Gary to prison. But I would like him to get some therapy and community service. With the way Gary has acted around me in the past, and what he did to me, I actually wonder how long before he got more violent. I've seen and heard of him getting in fights for less.

EDIT 2: I've gotten many comments from people saying "YTA! He has cancer!". If you actually read what I posted, Gary is not the one with cancer. A relative of his I don't know does. And no, I don't know what kind of cancer. Gary didn't elaborate. He wanted me to shave my head for this person. And when I refused, he left in a tantrum. Then shaved my head while I was passed out drunk at a party.

Relevant Comments

ghostess_hostess ...but did you shave the other eyebrow to even out the regrowth?

OOP Unfortunately yes. I had to

No-Idea-Y-Im-here NTA. Being off meds may be a reason, but it's never an excuse and that was definitely assault. In fact, if you haven't already told the police, make sure they know that Gary previously asked you to "get on the bandwagon", said he'd shave it for you while unpacking his equipment!, you refused and he verbally assaulted you. He knew you didn't and wouldn't consent, but did it anyway while you were unconscious. Block Gary and his relatives from everything, try not to get upset when you can't avoid a mirror, and hope your hair grows back better than before :)

OOP The police know every detail about Gary that I've given here, save for his family harassing me. Which I intend to tell the police about ASAP

scottieButtons NTA, lucky for you the only difference between a bad haircut and a good one, is a couple weeks.. (maybe a couple months for you) sorry bud

OOP It'll be a couple of months sadly. It'll probably take five months to get my hair back to looking as good as it was

OOP in regards to if his other friends knew about this My friends all want nothing to do with Gary anymore. They didn't egg him on. They had no idea he was gonna do what he did

Lumpy_Passenger_1300 Actually if you're going to talk to the DA, they may be able to offer him a plea where he needs to stay on meds/go in treatment. NTA.

OOP I already figured not much was going to happen since I wasn't harmed other than my hair. Whatever deal he takes in court, if he gets one won't really matter to me. What does matter to me is that this due process makes him realize just how badly he screwed up. Meds or no meds.

OOP in regards to if Gary brought his own shaving kit He used some stuff that was in the bathroom next door to the room I was sleeping in. He didn't bring his own. But I can see why you'd think that. It's far from the first time I've passed out at a friend's house. And Gary knew that. In fact he was probably waiting for it. If anything, this has been a wakeup call to get my drinking under control.

TheHammerandSizzel INFO - How did he get into the house? Your 100% NTA and should press charges. But who let him into that house? It was someones else place and I am assuming he either came in super late or early in the morning. The reason I am asking is that in addition to Gary, someone let him into the house and I would be interested to know the reasoning.

OOP Gary got in because they let him in. They figured his tangent about hair was over. He tried to convince a bunch of them to shave their heads like he did to me. And none of the people there let him do it. My guess is he singled me out because I was passed out. If not me, it could have been anyone else there if they'd passed out drunk instead.

Kitchen_Zebra_5403 See the difference between me and you is…I’d beat the hell out of Gary and I’d be going to jail for assault

OOP Fighting isn't in my nature. I don't even usually get angry all that much. But if Gary had attacked me, I'd like to think my friends likely would have ganged up and beaten the crap out of him. But I really don't know.

OOP on the evidence the police gathered The police got a couple pictures of my head and the trimmer Gary used on me. But I didn't want any more photos of what I looked like show up. So I had the rest of my head shaved the next day.

deleted commentor In your country, what are the consequences of having charges pressed against you?

I've heard that in some corners of the world people can find it very hard to get jobs after getting jail time (which I acknowledge you don't want, but I supposed it's a possibility) which tends to cause a downward spiral that ends up disproportionately more punitive than the original conviction.

It sounds like you want Gary to change his ways. Would the result of pressing charges have that outcome?

NTA BTW...

OOP Honestly it's a tossup from what I know. But I hope that if I push for just the minimum and only get him community service and therapy, then perhaps his record won't be affected too harshly. But I can't say for sure.

OOP on how Gary got into the friend group Gary isn't a relative of anyone I know. He was the neighbor of a friend of a friend who wormed his way into my friend circle. He seemed likeable at first. But once he seemed well established, he started letting his real self out bit by bit. A lot of us were already fed up with him.

Verdict: NOT The Asshole

Update post: June 9, 2023 (1 year later)

A friend of mine just showed me a video yesterday in which my old post had been read. Honestly I'd nearly forgotten about it since I was only there to ask if I was TA or not. And since I don't wanna go through the pain of trying to do an update on AITA, I thought I'd just do it here since entitled spells out Gary pretty well. Other than the shaving incident, he tried to get us to partially pay for his food multiple times by combining the check and dividing it equally when he always got the most expensive thing on the menu, and once even pulled the "I forgot my wallet" bit. He was described as a neckbeard by multiple people, including women he flirted with. He tried to get a married neighbor woman that was older than him to have an affair with her. And then later egged her apartment door when she refused. That one I only learned about a couple months after my original post. And no, Gary never saw consequences for doing that. I also learned he stole several videogames and DVDs from friends, mooched food and drink out of their fridges, and even went through a period as a squatter for two months by refusing to leave a house he'd been let into by a former tennant, and the landlord actually paid him to leave. Gary's also an extreme hypocrite that contradicted himself more than a corrupt politician. For example, one minute he'd be anti-vax, the next he'd be complaining about other people who weren't getting the C19 vaccine. Pretty sure he never got it too. I can't believe I ever had any sympathy for this man.

To recap, someone a former friend of mine named Gary is related to got cancer. And Gary went around trying to get our friend group to all shave their heads. He only got a couple of them to agree, and even brought his shaving kit to my apartment because he just assumed I'd join in as well, and was already unboxing it before I even got the chance to say anything. I told him the shaving was not happening. Well he decided to make an example of me, and waited till I was good and passed out from drinking at a friend's party. I was so dead to the world that I had to be shaken awake by a friend after Gary got caught shaving my head. He took off one of my eyebrows and messed up my hair beyond saving. And he was laughing his butt off over having done it. So yes, the rest had to come off. I ended up pressing charges on Gary for assault, and found out he's been on meds for a mental disorder for years. And he'd stopped taking the meds, which is one of the reasons he was so loopy. But his tune changed pretty quick when police arrested him since what he'd done qualifies as assault.

Gary's family harassed me and tried to make me drop the charges. I not only didn't drop the charges, but I reported the harassment to the police. Only problem is it didn't bloody stop! In fact, it got worse! Mainly from Gary's mother, whom I can see where Gary got his charming personality from. She showed up to my apartment a couple of weeks after the shaving incident to scream at me that I knew nothing about what they were going through. And a little hair wasn't a big deal. I told her my hair was a big deal to me. And what Gary did was inexcusable. Well that earned me a slap on the face, followed by a swift kick to the nuts, followed by a few more kicks to my body after I went down. It was all recorded by a camera that I had watching the front door. (Landlord wouldn't let me put in a Ring Doorbell cam) One of my neighbors saw her, and screamed at her they'd be calling police. Gary's mom ran, and I ended up going to the hospital with minor injuries. Mostly just bruises, a black eye, and a sore groin.

Gary's mother got arrested, and I filed a lawsuit against her for attacking me. I saw her in court twice for both her assault on me, and the lawsuit I filed for her assault. This woman had taken several self defense classes over the years, so she knew how to fight. That had the judge consider her a trained individual, and she was sentenced to six months in jail, given two years probation, and ordered to pay my medical bills. She actually cried to the judge about the money. But he wasn't having it. It took some time to see her in court again for my lawsuit against her as she was out of jail by then. I was awarded ten thousand for the harassment, emotional damages, and lost work hours, and she had to pay all court and lawyer fees. Which she cried about again because she didn't want to pay anything to the man who'd ruined her and her son's lives. But she had the money for both court cases, because she had no problem paying. But around that time, I heard Gary's relative with cancer passed away. I don't know any details, just that they passed on. I admit that was sad. But I never knew this person. But Gary made their condition his hill to die on when he tried to make an example out of me. Gary got some probation and community service for what he did to my hair. And he cut contact with our entire friend group and eventually moved away. Where to, I don't know. I don't care either.

As for my hair. Well it grew back just fine. Took nearly half a year to get it back how it was. My boss had me put out of sight for a while, and I was wearing a hat everywhere for at least a month. I did take that 10k I got in the lawsuit and combined it with my savings for a down payment on a house. So I've since moved into a much better abode. I also have a girlfriend now that's living with me. It was a bit soon for her to move in, but there were extenuating circumstances. We're making it work though, and I'm happy.

More relevant comments

MtnDream here's the thing, as a man, you are reluctant to fight back against a woman, but she's no lady either. don't ever just let someone slap, and kick you because you refuse to fight back. Also, did the mother shave her head?

OOP No. She didn't shave her head. Unless she had a wig on, which I doubt. I don't know how many people in Gary's family did shave their heads because his mother was one of his only relatives I saw in person since the shaving incident. Otherwise all the harassment was online and over the phone. And yes, I was reluctant to strike back. But that old woman was faster than she looked. And that shooting pain from being kicked in the nuts is something I never wanna feel again.

Reminder: I am NOT the OOP.